Friday, December 12, 2014

Part 105

Been a while since I've written but there is nothing else to do on this stupid train but write.  I almost threw this old thing away but I worked too hard for it, risked my life and suffered a beating to have it, have depended on it too much ... one of these days I will probably toss it or use it for a fire starter but that time hasn't come yet.  And I've got to write all this junk down down just to get it from running in circles in my head.

Why?  Why do things have to happen the way they do?  Why is it always on my happiest days that life does this?  Z-Day on the day I was went to town with Mom and had Dad's permission to pick out my first real grown up party dress and to go to my first dance with one of my best friends ever.  Finally finding the guts to get something for myself - this notebook - only to start the horrible running, running, running that culminated in me being left by the group.  Reaching town and "home" only to find out "home" didn't exist for me anymore.  Finally getting close to Singing Waters only to have Sunny die and Jace commit suicide.  And then that day.

Sure, of course the puss brains are part of it but I've gotten to the point where they are like my ratty old, hand-me-down-through-a-gazillion-people bedroom furniture used to be ... they're there, no matter how much I wish something was different it isn't, so I've learned to live with it and make the best of it I can.  The puss brains are what threw Cochran and I together that day, just like they brought us together in the first place.  And whereever he is now, I hope he knows that the only regret I have is we couldn't be friends longer.

It isn't like I didn't know things would come to an end.  Everything in life comes to an end, some sooner and some later.  What I did was make the mistake in thinking that I had more of the later this time rather than the sooner.  From here on out I'm not gonna count on anything staying solid for long.  If they do I guess that will be good but counting on them being there and then them not being there ... no, uh uh, don't want that pain any longer.  I shoulda just kept these stupid emotions completely buried instead of trying to pull them back out and deal with them.  They are going back in storage and if I'm lucky that is where they will stay.

I went back over the last couple of pages I had written and the last sentence was pretty prophetic.  I didn't mean it to be and maybe I should have just kept things shut up but I didn't and I didn't even bother knocking on wood to keep them from coming true.  Stupid is as stupid does.

After Lee left I knew I needed to get a move on.  It might have been kinda early in the day - we had been stuck in the bunker all night - but the weather felt strange and I figured another storm was on the way.  Water was the first need and I took care of it in three trips, filling every container I had from the bucket fulls I hauled.  I might have been able to do it in two trips but I preferred to have one hand free just in case.  I had both the gun and my bat.

After the water I did a quick circuit of my trap line.  Each one was empty; even the basket I had beneath a small waterfall that emptied into the lake to catch fish.  But this was no ordinary bad hunting day.  The traps were all torn to pieces and so was what had been in them.  I felt bad for about two seconds about the animals but I knew they would have been dead before the puss brains got to them.  That bothered me and made me extremely cautious.  It also made me mad but I didn't have time to let it out, I needed to get back and bring in some wood.

I tell you, my wood pile was a total mess.  It was spread from the cabin to the tree line and out to the road and down a ways.  I grabbed what I could but had to leave a lot that had been fouled by the puss brains.  In fact the entire clearing the cabin sat in was foul.  I'd noticed it when I went to get water but had been trying to ignore it.  To make this much mess I knew there had to have been a lot of puss brains and that sucked away what little joy I had left.

Then I heard that carpalicious noise again only it seemed to be coming from all over.  It wasn't exactly the same noise though, but it was close enough that I knew what it had to be.  I looked in every direction trying to find where it was coming from and then I got smart and looked up.  Some kind of little plane or helicopter was flying above the trees coming out of the east, actually more than one.  I knew for a fact that Sarge and his people were southwest of the lake.  I didn't like it, I didn't like it one bit.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for more of this fantastic story I hope all is well with you and yours